she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
