Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
