you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
