she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
