I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
