either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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