I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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