I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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