It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
