What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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