The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
