I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
