NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
