When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
