I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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