I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
