Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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