I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
