Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
