After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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