Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
