plz talk dirty to me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have post one night stand depression
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
