So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
