I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
