How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
