I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can tuck mytits in my pants
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
