Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
