I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
