Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
