We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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