So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
