Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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