final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i out mim tonsoeep
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
