Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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