i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
