What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
