i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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