My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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