I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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