I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
