doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
