FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
