I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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