weddingsv make me drug and hornr
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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