I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
