This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we're making bets on your personal life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
