So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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