I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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