you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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