it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
