If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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