Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
