I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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